Same conversations, and feeling awkward for others...

It seems my job search situation is looking up as I have recently received feedback from 4 different jobs I applied for. Except for the fact that I:

1. Cancelled one interview- It required driving on highways...which despite having had my license for 2 years (Yes, I got it when I was 20), I have yet to master.
2. Another is a staffing agency, and although the laid back guy who called me and set up a meeting with me seemed nice, I don't see anything coming from it.
3. I called back another job and they said the manager would get back to me...it's 9pm, I called at 10am...no response.
4. The last 'job' is an internship and my reason for wanting to work for this place was less than extraordinary: "Umm, well you know working for the government...uhh is secure..." Or something to that extent. I should've just said the truth, "Hey I need a f*cking job in order to pay off my student loans so I can get rid of my debt, save, buy a place to live, etc.

Lately I've been feeling like a broken record, repeating the same conversations with different people. Obviously my job phone interviews require the same answers but it gets pretty old....and then there's the whole hometown friends drama....

It's always the same, I go out with the intention of not saying a thing about the so-called issue at hand, and then someone brings something up and before I know it I've said way too much. Which honestly, why should I keep how I feel to myself? If anyone else has a problem with how I feel well then that is their problem to deal with, I don't get upset because of the personal opinion of others. Anyway...I tend to do this:

Game face... to a rainbow of anger.

Then I end up walking back to my car thinking once again, son of a whore...you've done exactly what you said you wouldn't do, oh well...try again next time....

This high school drama is absolutely ridiculous...and the issue is that well here are the facts:

...........

Yea, I wrote a super long thing about this problem, but then realized it's not even worth describing.

I think that's how you know when a problem really doesn't matter to you...when writing an angsty post about it doesn't even seem enticing. 

Moving on......

I was sitting in a coffee shop forever alone today , and whilst pretending to tweet I heard the barista speaking with a male customer who had come in to grab his coffee. This poor man had just finished his workout, he had strolled in wearing full gym attire and was probably buying caffeine because it helped him build muscle...GQ has that type of sh*t in there all the time...he looked like a GQ man.

Anyway...this barista who at the time I couldn't see because of where I was sitting... started talking to this guy like they knew each other. I mean, I really thought she somehow knew him...friend of a friend type of thing. She asked him how old he was (27 or 25...those were the ages don't remember whose was whose), if he had a girlfriend, or a wife...WTF? I couldn't hear the guy answer that last one but I'm gonna assume he said he was single because as he walked out the door she yelled "I'll be here until we close!" ....to which he responded and scoffed "...H'okay...?"  I could see his face as he said it since the door was located next to where I was sitting and he looked just like this:

The barista by the way....looked like a blonde version of Monica, the Monica in that video...young Monica...

Am I a b*tch? NO! The fact that the girl was a big girl doesn't matter but the fact that she was so freaking awkward and forward with this semi-good looking athletic guy who was obviously not going into the coffee shop looking for love? THAT is what made her seem so WEIRD.

 One cannot be forkward when flirting with a man and have it work unless she is one of these women:

...and these women don't even exist so...you're screwed if you're forkward.

Unless you know, you can find yourself a lovely young man who understands your particular brand of weird and wants to purchase your stocks...and I know you're out there...so congratulations you lucky girls...I f*cking hate you and your perfect relationship...you're probably not even happy...you're lying to each other and probably cheating on each other...

Speaking of men and relationships...or lack there of. I don't think my way of driving is helping me attract them...you see I love cruising to Latin music...well blasting it rather...and it's not the most attractive thing to roll up next to a car that looks like this is happening inside of it:

Anything for Selenas- Watch the movie it's a great scene...

I also have one of those rear view mirror flags from my country of origin...as well as a window sticker that I got for free from Toyota for Latinos on FB that says something about my country of origin as well. So basically I look like this when I pull up to a stop light next to a nice young man:

That awkward color squiggle is my flag...those notes coming from my car scream Cholo...

and I wonder why I can't attract the men...but then again why would I want someone to hit on me...at a traffic stop?? .....Desperate

Looking past the trying to get a man via my car thing...I do think people are surprised when I park my car at my house and get out...since you hear me first before you see me and what you hear is pretty gangster...

I think when I step out I make people do a double take...or at least in my head that's what I picture. I also picture myself walking toward my house like a Victoria's Secret supermodel...but I probably look more like someone who is painfully aware that she's 3 inches under and 50lbs over that reality...or even more truthfully there is probably no one watching since my neighborhood lacks the vibrant excitement of my college apartment complex, full of red solo cups, drunk young people, and cop cars...ohhh college.

Tomorrow I plan on exercising...but I'll probably just wake up at 2pm, sit on my comfy chair while watching TV and checking FB on my Ipad until 7:30pm when I tune into Jeopardy...but who knows...maybe I'll surprise myself and find some motivation. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, right? Wait, didn't Kate Moss say that? Not someone to look up to as a role model...

“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It's the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years.”

 Audrey Hepburn

Better, no? Stay true to you!

Love,

M