Hello my name is...M.

My name is..well....for this blog's sake I'll go by 'M'. It is currently almost 8pm on a Sunday in July. I've spent the last 4 days in Virginia's countryside with my family. I have 2 older siblings with successful jobs, who(m?) went to great universities and have accomplished so much before their 30s.

I however, just graduated a college which I absolutely LOVED, but isn't one of the best ranked out there. I have yet to get a real job, I've not dated in over a year, I've moved back home with my parents, and my so-called high school hometown friends have chosen not to include me on their escapades anymore.

Needless to say, sh*t sucks right now so I'm starting a blog.

I want to be able to look back on this post a  year from now and say "Wow, I'm so happy that I documented my journey to getting my great job, boyfriend, and amazing group of friends."...One can hope right? Ughhh. So- I'll be posting my life happenings here, which on a daily I find entertaining and hope someone out there thinks is entertaining as well.

Now that I've gotten the reason for this out of the way let me introduce myself...er...again.
I'm 'M', I'm Latina but I don't look like this ---->
(Well...on Halloween in 2010 I made an exception, but who wouldn't want to dress as Little Loca...at an almost all Caucasian school...where no one understood the joke...hello?..hello? No? Ok, just me.)

 I'm Latina but I don't/didn't look like this either...

                                               

...and neither did any of my friends growing up. Although, I went to a middle school akin to that of the high schools in Save the Last Dance or Bring it On 2...a little sketchy & more on the urban side because I didn't want to go to Catholic school like my sister did. Needless to say, because I chose to wear graphic tees and converse sneakers (à la Avril Lavigne- Hey, she was the sh*t in 2002),  as well as A&F polos with popped collars with trucker hats (Again, does anyone else remember 2002?) I did get judged for it.

• " Why does she dress like that? She's like punk one day and preppy the next..."

• " Don't you use blue magic?"- A foul hair product, I'm pretty sure it works on car engines too.

• " Why aren't you wearing Chinese slippers and rubber bands on your jeans?"

Okay...that third question I was never asked, but I imagine that was the talk of the cafeteria when I was basically the ONLY Latina who didn't go through a "ghetto" phase. A term which alone has it's own issues that reflects the ignorance of those who use it. ( Did I mention I majored in cultural anthropology?) But, I wasn't popular anyway so I doubt anyone cared that I dressed, spoke, and 'acted' more 'white' than Latina. But let me clear something up:

1. First of all, Latina or Hispanic is a term which defines my ethnicity NOT my race, BITCH. AND does acting stereotypically Latina (sassy, vixen, stupid,etc.) make me more Latina? Or does acting the way in which I was raised in household with obviously Latino parents make me more Latina than you who(m?) 'acts Latina'?
2. Second of ALL, the above is what I wish I had said to those stupidasses who called me 'white-washed' in middle school...however I probably just said 'No I'm not.' and looked like weak sauce.
.........Whatever, you probably had like 4 kids in high school...cholas.

                              Back to me...I look more like this:

M

Except my face and arms are tan...but if I had drawn it that way I would've looked weird...you know...because that drawing doesn't look weird at. all.

My thighs are those large round black mounds, the right one of which looks like a breast post Dr. 90210.

I don't have some horrible mutant thigh...I just think they're the fattest part of my body and therefore I made sure my self-portrait reflected that.

I'm also quite tall for a young lady ...5'9''...whereas most of my so-called (life) friends capped out at 4'5'' and 100 lbs so most of the time in photos I was either forced to the back or stood out like this:

Awkward as fuuuuuu...

Yeaaaa...growing up with friends who could barely reach the kitchen counter didn't make me feel uncomfortable at ALL. It wasn't until college that I could embrace my height, allowing me to see over everyone else at parties to find the keg and or hot guy... who would inevitably get closer to me only to find out the distance made our heights seem equal but REALLY he was part of the f*cking Keebler elves and therefore would choose one of my shorter friends.
Fine, fine...that's fine...I'm gonna get a drink and forget about Dobby...I hope he takes your socks, bitch.

What else about me? Hmm, well other than being tall and Latina I'm actually quite attractive (looking at my previous boyfriends you may think otherwise, they were nice guys though, and most of them grew into their looks. Now I sound like a b*tch but really I liked them for who they were, it was everyone else who asked me why the  F I was with them.) and funny and intelligent. I love watching Jeopardy, and I'm really freaking good at it. I even took the online qualification exam...yea it's like that. Oh and I'm a singer/songwriter with the guitar as my weapon of choice. 

1. Yes, I can actually play it.
2.  No, not like a 'girl' (though you're a d*ck for putting in that way). 
3. Yes, I've played guitar with a bunch of dudes before, and yes I was better than all of them. How do I know? They all stopped playing and said themselves that they sucked and I was putting them to shame. Moving on....

Despite all of these lovely attributes I have yet to catch the attention of the man of my dreams...tall, dark, and handsome..preferably Latino (although I've only dated Caucasian guys), or a fluent Spanish speaker, who is not a man-whore, who has a job, went to college, is a gentleman, can dance, dress well, watches good TV and movies, has similar taste in music to me, plays an instrument ( like piano or guitar- not some bullshit like the French horn), enjoys spending time with family, can cook at least a little, does not do drugs, isn't hiding some odd secret, and is willing to deal with my occasional petite breakdowns about how I hate everyone (usually only when I'm feeling particularly useless). I mean...is that too much to ask? Oh and he should look like this:
     Or this:

So, you know just send me a message if you're out there...or I can just stay single ("..hating my horrible life").

• That quote is from 'The Holiday' and you might as well know that if you're not up to speed on pop culture references you may miss out on most of my jokes because I'm essentially Lorelai Gilmore with a tropical twist and a crappier dating life. (I mean COME ON, in what freaking town does your local coffee shop owner look like Luke Danes? In reality there are more Gunther at Central Perk men than there are Luke from Luke's men and even so the Gunthers love the Rachels and I'm more of a Monica/Phoebe mix so who am I stuck with? A Chandler/Mike mix? Awesome, a sarcastic piano player.

Anyway, is this enough of an intro? I hope so because I'm going to make myself a tuna sandwich even though I want the pie downstairs because I'd like to not feel fat anymore dammit.

Oh, and I bought the tuna with a coupon...yes I bought 4 cans of tuna with a coupon at CVS and tried to use the coupon 4 times to get them for free. The damn attendant guy made it all complicated and said I wasn't allowed to do that...those TLC Coupon people make it look easy buying eight thousand dollars worth of Cheetos for a nickel and I can't buy 4 cans of tuna with a coupon, verrrrgggg....(curse word in Spanish, look it up I'm not explaining it to you.)
I'll probably post tomorrow considering I don't have a job...until then, stay true to you.

Love,
M