- After dancing with some weird Italian guy...I still smell like his cologne.
- The most flirtation I received was 2 smiles from the bouncer at the door.
- I have yet to master the art of being Latina...I don't have the inherent 'I can salsa' gene...I need to practice.
- The white girl/black guy pairings made this place seem like the poster for jungle feevahhh
- I spent money and still don't have a job.
In reference to number 3 up there ^...I was asked to dance by the Italian guy again...to Cha Cha. Yeeeaa, I immediately told him I did not know how to dance but he insisted to try and teach me. After about 30 seconds I gave up and told him he could ask me to dance to ANY other type of music but I'd sit this one out.
I have lots of friends who would have been able to just pull something like that off...they would've faked some steps and gotten all video vixen/Latina lover on them and it would've worked. But I simply cannot and my body will not move or act that way...and there are several reasons why.
First of all, as I've mentioned before...I'm much taller than the average Latina girl...and when I go out dancing I usually wear a shoe with a heel or wedge...which makes me taller than the average guy. This is where awkward moment #1 tends to occur and it looks a little something like this:
Next is the fact that this particular guy insisted on trying to teach me to Cha-Cha...after failing miserably in 2 seconds I had to sit back down...this occurred in front of my friends mostly but there were other people to enjoy the mini show of fail.
Sometimes I wish I was more like my friends who just get all...'Ohhh I'm sexy I can dance to anything if I move my hair around a lot and fake what I'm doing.'
Where my friends end up looking like this:
I end up looking like this no matter what I do:
To some extent I can dance...I suppose I have rhythm, or so I've been told...and after hours of practicing at the cholo club where I went to college, as well as dancing Last night I know there were definitely some of those awkward moments when dancing with the cologne bathed man.
After the failed Cha-cha, he asked me to salsa dance...not my strongest but I tried. He taught me one step while we were dancing and things were going alright.....until he tried to dip me at the end of the song. He stepped on me...I think I hit him in the face...I almost fell...
This happened TWICE...I dunno why this
We later danced to bachata and I think I was dancing quite well...but with my luck I probably looked like this:
Moving on to my job crisis...I'm nearing the 70+ mark of job applications sent...still no prospects...it's really not doing much to help my self-esteem/self-worth. More so it is fueling my 8 year old self-hate...
It also does not help that I have no where to put my university diploma so as I'm sitting there applying to jobs everyday, that stupid piece of paper that is doing absolutely nothing for me is just sitting there mocking me.
I think if at this point I sold my diploma to someone who never went to college it would be much more valuable than it is right now.
I recently Skype'd with one of my good friends who is away at grad school...my entire side of the conversation revolved around how everything just pisses me off. The happiness of others essentially makes me angry. I know, I shouldn't be that person...but honestly how can I not be that person right now? I need a f*cking jobbbbb dammiiiiiiit.
I sit and think about my future life plans and then realize that I'm not even close to being able to even start the process of getting there and my hopes and aspirations deflate and I'm back to " Wow, you're so worthless right now..." Depressing right? So I choose to distract myself with other things.
- I've been playing more guitar than I have in a very long time which always helps me relax.
- I've been reading for fun which I haven't done in years: I finished the last installment of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series...which upon finishing gave me some hope for myself......and then the moment passed.
I understand why so many housewives and lonely ladies are reading it because it is so out there and inappropriate but seriously? Your life is that mundane that you've resorted to this weird submissive/dominant themed book to entertain you?
I feel like the backlash of this series being so popular is that when those lonely ladies get a man or life partner or whatever...they're going to be these freaks and the other person is SO NOT going to be prepared for it that they'll run away. I can picture it now...it's a lovely evening for the couple...they arrive at the apartment of the once lonely lady and she introduces the other person to her whips and chains and crap...the other person makes this face........and runs away. E.L. James is a genius...because she knows she's ruining a generation of women who(m?) will never be able to get into a stable relationship...so they'll just have to find a hobby...like reading...more of the 50 Shades books perhaps. EL James, she's not an author...she's a genius business woman, ensuring that she will ALWAYS have people consuming her books like fat people and McDonald's.
Sneaky sneaky....
Anyway, I have yet to eat any real food today so I should go and eat some soup...once again in my attempt to lose weight I've resorted to food in cans. First the coupon tuna, now the low calorie soups. Maybe my excessive sweating while dancing last night removed some calories from my body....
yeaa I should've mentioned that somewhere up there in my list of reasons why I can't pull off the sexy Latina thing...where everyone else is lovely after dancing I always end up sweating like an obese person walking to their car in the Walmart parking lot...
 |
| I'm so pretty. |
Okay...maybe not that much, but still..
If I didn't know how to find the humor in my life's trials I think I would be sooo screwed.
Thank goodness I can laugh at myself :)
Stay true to you.
Love,
M
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